Hey everybody,

We have no idea how many times disgruntled students threaten to shoot up schools, and kill others and then kill themselves. Schools are doing  a much better job at hearing these threats and intervening quickly, but there are many threats that don't come to the attention of school administrators. Yet after someone dies there is always a witness that comes forward, and relate that the person had said that they were going to hurt themselves.

I always wonder, why didn't the witness tell someone earlier?

I know I don't have to say this, but please talk to your children and tell them to let somebody know if they have friends that are threatening to hurt, maim, or kill themselves or somebody else. Listen, listen, listen to your teens.

If your teen broods over what they see as maltreatment, from the world. You may think that jumping in and supporting them, when they are wrong, will help, but actually it only makes the situation worse. The more they talk about the situation, often they become more irrational about the situation. They may conclude that their maltreatment is so severe that it warrants hurting others. They may hurt themselves to avoid punishment.

 I am amazed at how jealous young people can be. Jealousy is at the root of a lot of bullying. The bully may decide to hurt the person he is bullying, but just as often the victim of bullying may strike back. Due to feelings of  isolation, sadness, and fear bullied children may not see anyway out accept to destroy themselves and/or anyone whom they perceive is involved.

If a teen loses their girlfriend/boyfriend/best friend or if teens are feeling left out and excluded at school, and at home, this could lead to an all or nothing attitude towards solving their problem. The teen may feel the only way out of this is if they kill themselves and/or others.

There's many things that can be done to help:

1. If there has been a threat then get help for your family. I know we are aware of the teen's need for help, but get help for yourself. Find out if there is something you can do to help your teen.

2. Encourage socialization. Get your teen out and about with you and the extended family. Encourage healthy relationships with extended family members.

3. Speak hopefully. This is a time to speak hopefully in the presence of your teenager. Minimize problems, don't maximize problems. Pray with and for your teen.

4. Slow down. Keep a more regulated schedule.

5. Be honest and point out good things happening around them, to them, and for them. It's easy to focus on problems. Encourage teens to find something good in their lives.

This is a different age. Stress is affecting everyone, even small children. Encourage an environment of open communication and friendliness n your home. Encourage your children to see you as a person they can trust. Teach them to be open, and most importantly, if you see a problem, please encourage them to talk to you.

I was reading a newspaper article the other day, about another charter school is closing. These schools were to be an answer to what is considered a "failing" public school system. I don't know how charter schools were supposed to be an improvement over public schools in teaching children, but they were.

I assume teachers in charter schools were educated alongside with teachers in public schools setting. So the teachers' training wasn't that different. Unless colleges are graduating teachers who are already burnt out on the first day of their first job, new teachers' desire to teach and change the world one child at a time hasn't changed. Even teachers who has been around for a time, still speak with a glow about being able to teach young people.

 The students haven't changed. Children are children as far as I can tell. I will agree that technology is rivaling schools in keeping children's attention, but in every age there was something that was pulling a child's attention away from learning.

So what has changed?

These are only a few observations I have made.

I notice that the structure of the home has changed dramatically. Most homes have two individuals working to support the family, and single parents have to work, there are very few options for them. With these dramatic shifts in parental availability more and more is expected of schools.

Schools are encouraged, and in some cases under law have to teach students, not only reading, language, social studies, science, math, and physical education, they now have to teach about alternative lifestyles (homosexuality), health (safe sex) foreign language, drug education (don't use drugs) and social skills (anti bullying skills). Schools have group therapy sessions for students, so they can learn to keep their hands to themselves. (This blog article isn't long enough to discuss the issue of many students' insubordinate behavior.

It seems that all of these things are important to teach, but where does the extra time come from? I haven't noticed school days being any longer, neither have I noticed classroom sizes getting smaller. In fact the opposite, if these charter schools continue to fail then the already overburdened public schools will continue to "fail." Larger numbers of students in classes, more subjects to teach, and no extra time is a recipe for failure.

 Little by little, parental duties have shifted from parents to the school. What is the right thing to teach children about "alternative lifestyle"," health", and "social skills?" 

I admire teachers, and commend them for wanting to support the families, but aren't we dumping too much on the schools,a nd teachers especially? I would prefer for my child to have my values. I understand about "health" and it's importance, but what if I want to teach my child about true safe sex?

True education occurs in the home, around the dinner table, in short rides to the store, when the family is in crisis, and when they aren't in crisis. Instead of asking "why haven't the schools taught my little Johnny to read...", maybe we can read to little Johnny. If reading doesn't come easy to parents, then when the child learns to read, that is a good time for parents to start learning to read. arents can practice with their child.

Whatever happened to, if you want your child to be a reader, then you have to read to them and let them see you reading. Some schools are losing the academic battle for their students. Some students are lost before they ever enter school, and that's not the teacher's fault.

 I know that time is limited, but let's have the high and lofty goal of reading with our child daily. I can guarantee you, if you persist, your child will read much better and will improve in a very short time.

Let me know what your results are.

Happy Thanksgiving.

While most of us are having a wonderful time cooking, eating and basically enjoying life, there are many in the throes of calamities. I am specifically thinking about the family whose thirteen year old daughter stabbed their two year old daughter to death. She was watching her three younger children while the father and mother was away.

Apparently the two year old told a neighbor, who came to check on them, where the thirteen year old had a boy hiding in the house. The neighbor removed the boy and left.

When the neighbor left, the thirteen year old sent her other three younger siblings (all under the age of five) upstairs while she stabbed the two year old. The thirty year old then carried her two year old sister outside to die. Reportedly, she cleaned up her sister's blood and changed her own bloody clothes, while family and friends looked for the two year old. The thirteen year old joined the search. Her father found his two year old daughter behind their town home. 

What a mess!  

I think about this family, and I can't help but wonder, didn't anybody see this girl was disturbed? Was she a willful girl, refusing to do what was asked of her? Did she resent having to take care of her younger siblings? Was she bullying her younger siblings, and everyone overlooked her mean behavior towards her younger siblings?

One thing we can all agree on is the parents hearts are heavy.

I wonder if the parents saw the problems? Were they busy, but every now and then they thought, something is not right here? Did they have a rule to ignore problems and pretend that problems don't exist?

The father stated that his younger child is in heaven now, and he has to make it to heaven if he wants to see her again. He stated that he tells his children that they have to make it to heaven for themselves. He was attempting to instill christian values. Finally, he said about the thirteen year old, "she's going to need a lot of help. She's my child too." This is the greatest testament to his christian experience, "She's my child too." What love, consideration and interest in this erring child.

I'm sure right about now he's feeling defeated, discouraged and at a loss. I'm sure he and his wife would like to turn back the hands of time, and be "there" more often. Say some things that they felt needed to be said, but was left unsaid. Encourage all of their children tolove each other, and care more for each other.

Right about now they may feel that their goals were skewed, just a little. I'm sure he and his wife are just going through the motions of life, and the guilt of being a poor parent is pressing in on them at this very moment. This guilt will continue to press in on them for years to come. Their church family will have to cover them, support them love, and nurture them back to health. A heavy blow has landed on this family.

This could be anybody's family. If you think you see problems address the poblems, don't let problems overwhelm, and take over the family. Pray for your children, watch the friends they hang around, and be aware of what's brewing under the roof of your home. Be nurturing and kind where you can.

Remember the hurting parents, and their families, pray for them, and when you can, reach out to them.  
To read the story click here

Hey everybody,

I have spoken to many parents who have teens with significant behavioral problems. Many of these parents suffer from the same maladies, misguided mercy, giving grace, and forgetful forgiveness.

I believe in mercy, grace, and forgiveness. However, if these concepts are misapplied it is to the teens and our detriment.

Mercy is often misinterpreted as letting teens off from the punishment they deserve. Many parents have a difficult time understanding why they can't take teens off punishment before the time, or break the punishment for special occasions. While we may see it as mercy, the teen experiences it as inconsistent parenting. They will begin to rely on your mercy, and feel there is no need to change their misbehavior.

Grace is often misinterpreted as teens not being held accountable for what they do. Many Godly parents get tripped up on this. They think that if God don't give them the full punishment they deserve, then it is okay for their teens to not be given the punishments they deserve. Parents often interrupt natural consequences that teens deserve, so that the teen will not suffer. Parents often go through great lengths so that teens will avoid consequences.

 Forgiveness, is misinterpreted as the pain the teens inflicted on others and misbehavior should just be forgotten. Over and over again, teens are forgiven, and offenses are forgotten. This is perfect for teens. They can simply say they are sorry and continue on doing what they want until they are caught again.

This is a perfect prescription for unruly, disrespectful, and insubordinate teenagers, who are overly entitled, low performers, and surly.

We want to be kind to teens, however blind kindness that overlooks and deny problems, only lead to problems, that are more severe.

How do your children learn moral values? Who's teaching them moral values? Are they learning moral values from television, friends, church, school. Who's teaching them etiquette, sexual values, relationship skils, financial information.

Right and wrong is increasingly becoming blurred. What was once common sense, or seemed to be so, is no longer known. At one time television shows mirrored the values of society, now the majority of television is leading society, our youth especially, to accepting more and more amoral behavior.

We may love our friends dearly but their values may not be the same as ours. Our friends may lead our children astray. One parent reported that her teen age daughter went to the store with her friend and her friend's mother. The mother was shoplifting while they were in the store. We can't entrust this job to others.

Church woould be a very good place for our children to learn morals and values, however, a reinforcement of values on a weekly basis, is just that a weekly reinforcement. Church will not take the place of consistent daily reinforcement of moral values.

More and more work have been piled on teachers. They are responsibile for teaching reading, writing, spelling, mathematice, history, science, sex education, social skills, manage behavior, and a whole slew of other tasks. Teachers are struggling with the children in their classrooms. With all of the tasks that has to be completed there is no time left to focus on moral behavior. Do we want them to be responsibile for that task?

It takes intentional effort to get teach moral values to young people. It is an easier task when everyone has the same values. It is more important to live morally, than to just talk about being moral. It's not acceptable to tell your children to be honest, while you by action or words demonstrate dishonest behavior.

Children and teens will not just pick up good moral values. These values have to be taught. it's important to intentionally teach moral values to our children. Our efforts have to be consistent, and age appropriate.

Whose values do your children have? How did they learn these values.

Hey parents,

Have you been feeling left out, locked out, and pushed out of your teen's life? Do you have an eerie feeling that you have been displaced, but you don't know what have displaced you?

Often it is the teens who set up these barriers in the relationship, but parents can do a pretty good job of alienating teens. As I work with parents and teens, I have noteced that there are some commmunication patterns that shut down communication.

Making comparisons between your teen and other teens, is one way of erecting a barrier. I listend to a parent say to her unmotivated teen, "your older brother is doing well, and he is preparing himself for the future." Then the parent went on to say " but you are lazy and wan't try to do anything." I believe it's hard for a teen to be motivated under this deluge of negativity and pessimim.

A teen complained to me that her mother is constantly talking negatively about her to others. She stated that her mother talks loud enough to be heard around the house, and she doesn't want to talk to her mother about anything. The teen felt that whenever she is ready to discuss issues with her mother, her mother is talking negatively about her to others.

Still another teen stated that he liked a certian adult, because when she got mad about something, she got mad, said what she had to say and left it alone. He reported that other adults, would get mad and stay angry for days. He feels that it is easier to comply with someone who got angry and got over it, rather than comply with someone who got angry and stayed angry.

Still another teen observed that he feels interrogated by his parents. He stated that he can't make a move withour his parents asking twenty questions. He reports that he feels watched most of the time.

Other teens have cited their parents accuse them of things all the time, the parents are constantly angry and complaining, and if they tell the parents something in confidence the parents will use it against them when they get angry.

If you fee llocked out, overlookd, and ignored by your teen. I'm sure they are contributing to the breakdown on communication, but maybe something you are doing is contributing to the breakdown in communication, as well.

Listen to yourself, see if you are engaged in communication that shuts your teen down. Feel free to share communication patterns that is helpful in increaseing communication with your teen



















her.

Hello everybody, I'm back!!! After many technical difficulties and delays, I am back.

I would like to discuss something that makes every parent stomach ache with fear, sexual molestation.

Recently, I read about a man who was charged with several charges of both statutory and forced, rape and sodomy with a teen age girl. That means that some overgrown person, tricked a young girl into believing that he loved her and first, and eventually, he became aggressive, dominating and forced sex, and sodomy on the young lady. This is a parent's nightmare.

It's defficult enough for parents to steer teenagers in the right direction without overgrown folk luring them into sex, and then forcing sex on them. My heart goes out to the parents, and the young girl. This is happpening all across America, and it appears to be getting worse.

Fortunately, the culprit was caught and brought to the attention of the law. No doubt this wasn't the first young person he had hurt in this manner. It's amazing how many perpetrators are gettting away with having inappropriate, longterm relationships with teenagers (boys and girls).

Often, by the time parents become aware of the relationship between perpetrating adults, and their teens, it's too late. By then, the teen has been completely brainwashed, and the teen will adamently protect the adult. Molested teens may be withdrawn, insubordinate, and the relationsohip with their parents may be completely destroyed by some overgrown adult teaching your teen that they are grown. How does this happen?

Ir's simple. Teens are groomed by the perpetrator. The perpetrator will allow your teen to do what you won't allow them to do. This is the beginning of a secret relationship, that doesn't include you. The perpetrator may get close to you feeding you negative information about your teen breaking down your trust in your teen. Conflict and negativity will become pervasive in your relationship with your teen.

What we have to combat this is a close relatinship with our teens. So it is imperative that we persue opening the lines of communication. Pay attention to what they are saying about adults around them. Encourage age appropriate activities at school and at church. If you suspect that simething is amiss don't hesitate to limit access to your teen.

You may feel that you are overreacting. Others may tell you that you are overreacting. Remember that most victims of sexual molestation may not disclose until they are adults.

Talk to your teeens. Ask hard questions. If you believe the relationship is inappropriate, limit access to your teen. If you know that the relationship has crossed boundaries, get the law involved, don't hesitate. Keep in mind your ten probably wasn't the first, and if the perpetrator isn't stopped your teen won't be the last.

If you have other suggestions or comments, please feel free to share your thoughts.

Enjoy your children. Enjoy your life.

Hello Everybody, I didn't realize how long it has been since I last blogged. Sorry about that.

I have been thinking about how fast time passes. Soon you will not hear the happy pitter patter of little feet. The sound will be more like stomps from tantrums, and then, hard steps from a men sized twelve shoe, on a teenager. You will wonder, where did the time fly, and why didn't I notice where the time has gone. Then before you realize it your children will be long gone.

Remember, it's your life too. Don't make their life your life. Make sure you have something of your own in your life. I Believe that children's talents are important, and it is the parent's responsibility to encourage the develpment of their talents. However when their success is more important to you than it is to them, you will have a problem.

When their success is more important to you than it is to them, you will have problems. Your teen will rebel. They won't practice. They will use their personal academic, musical, athletic, abilities as a bargaining chip. You will hear things like, I will practice, (whatever), if you give me this or that. Or thay may threaten to not participate. in the activity. You will find yourself in more power struggles, angry discussions, and fights over their success than you can beleive.

Back off. When their success is more importantt to you than it is to them, it will increase your workload, and negatively effect your relationship with them.

Relax, and step back. Get busy and find something interesting for yourself. They will at first, try to reengage you with negative behavior. They may come around and use their tallents, however they may not. The question is, do you want to drag them (through life) to the gates of success, and they resist every step of the way. The last step that only they can make you stand and watch as they turn and walk away? It seems to me, that if young people are successful, they believe thay did it all by themselves, and if they fail you will get the blame.

You have one life. You can fill it with angry words over their talents, or you can fill it with joy and celebration. You can mourn that your child isn't an olympic gold medalist, or you can enjoy what they acheive.

It's your life too. You only get one life. ENJOY it.

Hello everybody,

Phew, we have gotten one group of young people graduated from high school, and another group is starting high school. In the next four years anything can happen. Some teens will complete high school with no problems at all, and some teens will struggle with the transition from child to young adult. It feels like a toss of a coin on how well our teens do, and in a lot of ways it is.

From day to day our teens are rubbing shoulders with all types of teens, and adults in this race. Many teens will become lost on the path, and may not finish the race. They may decide to follow the drums they hear within their heads, rather than the sobering voices and counsel of loving parents and adults around them. Some teens will follow the path closely until the last leg of the race, and make a u-turn, or change directions altogether, and still there will be others who complete the course, only to listen to that voice a few years down the road.

We are in a very vulnerable position. We can only watch the process of maturity. We offer guidance, and widom. We give consequences to discourage poor decisions, but we have no guarantee that the steps we take will ensure success. Although it feels like all odds go against our success in helping our teens through this tumuultous age in their lives, we can't give up.

There are thousands of decisons that our teens will make. Hopefully, our teens will make those decisions with our input. Hopefully, we won't have to revert to consequences too often to get the teen to do what is in their best interest to do. We can only provide guidance the best way that we know how.

This time will pass by fast. So enjoy this time period with your teen, and remember prayer, and laughter, can make a bumpy ride much smoother.

Enjoy the school year.

Hey Everybody...

It saddens me as I think about the lost power of parents. Parents have the name and responsibility of being in power over children. However, in this war to protect and train our children we carry guns (the symbol of power) but we shoot blanks. What leverage do we really have in training our children? Parents have been disarmed by competing factors such as; laws, television, and unfortunately psychology.

Laws were created to protect children. However, the laws misused, have caused great problems in families. Sometimes children have been removed from homes and placed in the homes of strangers while lengrhy investigations were being completed. A shroud of suspicion often follows individuals who had been cleared of any wrongdoing, and many parents have had careers ruined as a result of spiteful individuals hotlining them. I know that children have to be kept safe, and yes, there are some parents who are cruel. but parents are almost afrsid to discipline in any way because of the laws.

For years, television have insidiously set the tone for family living in America. Somewhere along the way we were declawed, while our children were given uzzies. In the late eighties, children on television were making a mockery of their parents. They talked back, implied that the parents were dumb, and often openly defied thir parents (and got away with it). On television children ten, eleven, and twelve years old parents are taking them on dates. No not play dates, dates! This trend was instigated and started by television, parents were mortified, but they drove their tweens to the mall for their "date" anyway.

Last, psychology, I am sorry to report, that I spend a lot of my time empowering parents, to fight the good fight. To parent their children. Teaching parents that they have every right to say no, and saying no will not cause children to become serial killers. Encouraging parents to have the courage to exercise judgement and make decisions for their child, and if the child doesn't like the decision he/she will not suffer from PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). Parents have to be encouraged to set boundaries and stick to it, even if they have to raise their voice to keep the boundaries straight. Parents have to pretend that they aren't angry, have no feelings except good ones, and in general be everything to sometimes little tyrants.

We are so "sensitive" to the emotional needs of our children, that we are put in the role of psychologists. We are afraid to tell the truth to our children lest we hurt their feelings. We are afarid to let a firm word come from our mouths because it may cause our children to fall apart. Meanwhile, children are becoming more insubordinate, lawless, and narcissistic daily.

Parents are on the battleground, but we have been disarmed and marching in place. Laws, television, nor psychology can take the place of parents but everyday a little bit of parental power is lost on the battlefiedd.

What about you, do you feel disarmed?

When our children are in the middle of disaster, whether it is failed grade, drug usage, friendship problems and even criminal activity, it is easy to jum[ in and save our teens from the consequences of their errant ways. It is tempting to take control of the situation, and therefore take control of the outcome. Neither of these will be helpful to our teens.


It is hard to watch the difficult times our teens go through. We kick into protective mode. it's instinctive almost. We want to save them from the unfair failing grades, the mistaken ACT or SAT score. We want to curse the judge who gave our angelic delinquent three hundred hours in community service. But will it help?


There is a movement in the United States, the "no punishment, soft consequence movement." This movement encourages parents to step in, and save the children from any resemblance of a consequence. This movement will not step in and help your child when they drop out of school, it will not step in and help with the drug addiction that your child may pick up along the way. The movement will not visit your child in prison, or do any community service for your teen.


There is absolutely nothing wrong with you supporting the teacher when the teacher gives the teen the deserved grade. Let the teen come up with what he will do to increase his school grades. Let him do it. Let him face those ACT test score. Again, this is his problem, let the teen solve this problem. In fact encourage the teen to pay for the second test. I can't say it enough. It's important to allow teens to suffer natural consequences, and yes, even give consequences, and punishments. This mamby pamby parenting style is causing the ruin of many children.


Do you think this whimpy parenting style contributes to our closing down, and tearing down schools, while we build and pump great finances into prison systems? Maybe just maybe,if we discipline and train our children when they are young, we may not need so many prison ceels when they get older.


What do you think? Feel free to share your comment.

Indeed parenting is a twenty four hour, can't get a break, job. Our teens are watching Our every move. Not only that, they are passing judgmemnt on everythng that we do. What we say, as far as possible, should match what we do.
We are not perfect, we will not be perfect, but we so often set ourselves up as if we are perfect. In our teen's eyes this makes us big hypocrites.

We want to set a good example, but we are merely sinful mortals. How can we, who are imperfect, present perfection to our children? We can't. Since we can't, we may as well quit trying to present perfection, and present the best us possible.

If we set ourselves up as prefect, we set ourselves up for failurre. Here are a few ways that we can be balanced adults. That is, we make mistakes, but our children remain committed to becoming the best they can become.

1. Admit up front that we are not perfect. The power of the truth is astonishing. If we admit that we are struggling with some bad habit, it will give our teens the courage to look at themselves realistically.

2. Take visible steps to do better. This shows growth. Teens ought to know that it's not okay to admit to faults, and wallow in them freely.

3. Be realistic with our expectations. If our expectations for ourselves is unrealistic, more than likely the expectations we have for our teens will be unrealistic.

4. Forgive ourselves. We must learn to forgive ourselves. We must learn to forgive our teens.

5.Laugh, laugh, laugh. Everything isn't serious. We get one life, we must enjooy this life. It seems to me, that life is a string of mistakes, with every now and then we get it right. How we handle our mistakes, teaches our teens how to handle them. A little humor goes a long way.

These are only a few ways we can present a balanced approach to imperfection. We can't ignore our imperfections and hope our teens don't see them. They see the imperfections. They can even see ones we don't know about. Let's enjoy our teens. Let's enjoy our life.

Hey everybody, I was talking to a parent the other day, and the parent reported that there is no consequence they can give the child that makes a difference in the child's behavior. This isn't the first parent that stated this. In fact, I find that many parents report the same thing. There are many who state that the child isn't responsive to consequences.

One time, I observed a parent. I arrived at about six  pm, after being there for a half an hour, the parent reminded the child that the child was on consequence and should be in their room. The child went to their room for a minute, and returned again. This time they had to use the bathroom,  they came out of the bathroom, asked a question about the show that was on, and cautiously, sat down, and looked at television. The parent didn't seem to notice. The child watched television for another forty five minutes. When the paent realized that the child was sitting there watching television. The parent again informed him that he was supposed to be in his room.

The child replied, "oh, I was going to the bathroom." He went to the bathroom, came out, the parent instructed the child to take care of the pets. The child went to take care of the pets, resurfaced again at around nine pm. When the parent caught the child in a room watching TV. At which point much hollering and fussing was done. The child reported, "Oh, I was on my way to my room." The child loooked as if he was going towards his room, but I think he had to use the bathroom.

Of course, consequences are ineffective. The children aen't really getting any consequences. It seems like a small thing, but when a consequence is issued it''s imperative to follow through. If children are alllowed to dismiss punishments, they will become more aggressive in avoiding punishments. Their misbehavior will become more brazen and bold and they will become more insubordinate.

Many parents are inconsisent because they feel that punishments make them stand guard, and they feel like a warden. Parents feel that they don't want to be too hard, and that the child deserves, treats, priveleges, or whatever. They feel guilty and aggravated. Many parents don't understand that disciplining is simply another way of showing children that they are loved.

It's hard, but remember when you issue a punishment, make it one that you can live with.

Hello everybody,

Recently I visited a home where the child is described as "challenging." He usually runs the roost. Whenever I visit he has multiple tantrums, he touches everything, and he hits others. In general, the child is exceptionally annoying. Clearly the child has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.

On this particular day, for some reason, the child was especially cooperative. I asked the parent (Mrs. Restrictive) what changed. She responded that nothing was done in particular. She went on to state how well the child has been doing. She told about how the child has followed instructions, stayed focused, and how the child is doing what he was asked. According to Mrs. Restrictive the child has changed with no intervention.

I observed that Mrs. Restrictive and the father (Mr. Lenient)  were very cordial with each other. They were talking, friendly, and cooperating with each other. Previously, Mr. Lenient, and Mrs. Restrictive were split on how to parent this child. They bickered consistently and chronically about what to do, each were blaming the other's parenting style for the child's misbehavior.

The child would ask for something and when Mrs. Restrictive said no, the child would look at Mr. Lenient, and the arguing would begin. The child usually got his way. If a simple look did not bring on the discord, then a tantrum would surely do the trick. Mr. Lenient would put on his super cape and save the child from discipline and restriction of any sort.

Later during the visit, I inquired about how the bickering was going. Mrs. Restrictive reported that she, and Mr. Lenient are no longer arguing, because she has decided to just let Mr. Lenient work with the child. There has been a significant decrease in arguing.

The point is, sometimes the answer to misbehavior could be as simple as how parents are interacting with each other. A simple decision between two adults, caused a big change in a child's behavior, and possibly the child's future. The child realizes that there will be no more parenting squabbles, about him at least, and that he has to follow the rules set by at least one parent.

Giving young people the ability to cause problems between adults, is too much power for a child, or teen. The youth will spiral out of control, taking the family peace and tranquility with them. If your teen/child is spiraling out of control, reconsider and see if there is an ongoing conflict between parents. This isn't limited to husband and wife relationships, this pattern of one parent overruling another parent especially occurs with single parents who live with their parents.

Pay attention, it may sound far fetched, but yes, our behavior may be at the root of our young people's misbehavior. 

What are you doing  to eliminate/contribute parenting conflict in your home? Write back and let us know.

Hey everybody!!! It's summertime once again.

As much as we love summertime, most often it puts parents in real dilemmas. What do we do with the children? This post isn't just about what to do with small children, we have to especially know what to do with teenagers.

Elementary aged children are easily cared for usually. There are many choices for them. They can attend community summer camps, local summer camps, church camps, daycare programs, and even schools may have some options for them.

What to do with teens is the greater problem. Many parents think  this is a no brainer. They think that teens will simply stay home by themselves. That's not always true. Some teens are not mature enough to stay home by themselves. 

Some teens get into trouble with you standing next to them. Definitely it would not be in your best interest to leave this "child" home alone. It has happened all too fast, but it is here, summer.

Here are some suggestions and ideas that may be helpful in getting through the summer.

1. Bless their souls, there are individuals who maintain teen camps.

2. If there are any volunteer opportunities available, put your teen to work.

3. Maybe there is a trusted adult who will allow the teen to stay with them most of the day, please pay them well.

4. Maybe a group of parents with teens can pay a person to apprentice their teens for the summer in some skill.

4. If the teen's behavior is very poor consider a theraputic home, or  residential facility for the summer.

Summertime, has its own variety of problems. Unattended teens could become a major problem. Start early, so that your choices won't be limited. If you already have plans for your teens share them with us.

Have a happy summer.

Hey everybody, it's been a very busy month. We had a great time in Denver Colorado.

Today it has almost escaped me, but it's National prayer day. What an awesome idea. Today I assume that thousands if not millions celebrated this day with special prayers, special devotions in their homes, out and out praise sessions, drive by prayers as they travelled here and there, shop and prayer, walk and prayer, just basic any way and evrywhere there was some praying and praising going on.

I hope you took advantage of this opportunity and joined other americans in this awesome united effort to communicate with God. Most importantly, did we include our young people in this united effort?

I ask many young people do they pray regularly, and do they ask for forgiveness for their sins. Most of the time they state "no." Many don't seem to understand that prayers can be made daily, hourly, and sometimes moment by moment if needed. They aren't aware that prayer is the way to start and maintain a relationship with God.

National Prayer Day is a great day to encourage our children to begin a loving relationship with God. It's also a great opportunity to teach our children to intercede in prayer on behalf of the world they live in, the country they live in, the state they live in, the community they live in, the school they go to, their next door neighbors, their family members, and finally themselves.

I hope your National Prayer Day was a great day. I'm looking forward to National Praise Day. So we can thank God for answering the prayers that were made today.

Hey everybody. It's about time for us  to take a look at tomorrow. We will need some leaders for tomorrow. Somebody will have to be the teachers, policemen, pastors, scientists, politicians, etc... We hold within our hands the futures of our children. We have to shape their futures and inspire them to set goals and reach them.

It's not enough for us to think that someone else will do this for us. No one will do it. It's our job and our responsibility to discuss their future with them. Beyond the talking we have to be active in encouraging them towards their future goals. It can be costly to do this. I have seen many children and teens that could have excelled in any thing, but no efforts were put towards developing their talents.

This is the good part of parenting.

Here are a few ideas that may be helpful, as usual if you have ideas please feel free to add your commments.

1. Buy books that address the interests of your child. These books should be age appropriate, and even easy. It doesn't do any good to make the reading so hard and tedious that children won't want to participate.

2. Enroll them in classes in their areas of interest. Again these classes should be age appropriate and fun. Check out your local community college, and see what they may have.

3. If there are camps, clubs, or organizations that address their interests enroll them.. Be careful here. You have to check organizations out carefully. Be active and keep a very close eye out on younger children.

4. Encourage them to have fun in these activities. Everything should not be academic. At home little activities could help keep their interest high.

5. Enjoy yourself.  This is your life too. Avoid putting yourself under stress and over scheduling yourself with these activities. You want to encourage not overwhelm yourself and your child.

These are just a few things that can be done. Are you doing something different?

Hey everybody. Oops!!! I almost overlooked this glorious holiday. You know I love holidays, mainly because I don't have to work, and I can eat foods that I wouldn't normally eat.

Easter is not a major holiday, but it is a holiday, and with that in mind it gives us an opportunity to spend special time with our families. We can make this time special with a special meal, getting together with extended family members, and we can just relax.

Holidays are much more enjoyable when we don't add too much to the day. You know that we can turn a holiday into a workday. We can make the meal too elaborate. We can have too great expectations for the holiday, and worst of all spend too much money. The buzz word for enjoying this day is... relax.

For Easter, intentionally slow down and relax. Please don't make this another workday.

Oh, yeah please accept my apology for this late entry, but I had to touch on this wonderful holiday.

Enjoy your holiday. Write back and let us know how you celebrated this Easter.

Hey everybody,... I was just wondering, are you having fun yet? I have always believed that parenting should be fun, no matter what the child's age.

Hey everybody.  I hope youare enjoying your children right about now. Thank God here in Missouri the winter appear to be completely over and we are enjoying beautiful weather. This time of the year

It is with sadness that I great you today. It is a sorrowful, and horrible incident that happened to young Travon Martin. I can't think of any news more devastating than to hear that your child is dead. At the heart of this case is what do we teach our children about their environment?

It is believed that emotionally healthy children can trust their environment. But can they? Are young people less emotionally stable if they have a healthy distrust of their environment?

To distrust their environment may requiere your teenagers to curtail how they live. They may not take jobs that require them to be out after dark. They may have to watch what they wear on a daily basis. Your teen may learn to be leery of law enforcement, or they may learn that it's safer in numbers. (This could cause more problems.)

What will you teach your teen in light of this horrible incident? Is it possible to teach them to be careful without instilling a lot of fear in them? Besides, isn't this one of the major problems we have with our teens. e Wwant to restrict them for safety purposes, they want to have freedom, because they believe they can take care of themselves?

This incident is indeed unfortunate, and it puts a blaring spotlight on our greatest fear. Our teens could be fatally injured for no real reason. 

What do you think, should we teach our teens to distrust their environment.

Hey Everybody,.... Is It my imagination or is it a real problem going on? More and more often I run into young people who lie for no reason. Whether they are in trouble or not, these teens just lie. They lie about the obvious. They say they are making A's when they are making F's. They stare you in the face and tell you they aren't suspended from school when you have the paperwork in your hands.


When they are caught in their lie, there are no tears and confession. They aren't humiliated and frustrated. Most often they become angry, that they were caught in the middle of their lie. They go into attack mode, and blame others for their problems.

So far, it has been frustrating attempting to get teens to admit to mistakes, but I have found that consistently challenging the lies and holding the teens accountable for their mistakes may curtail some of the lying.

What have you found that was helpful to in curtailing lying in your teen?

Did you know that there is an estimated seven million, eight hundred seventy five thousand children who are living in poverty today. There are several causes of poverty, early teenage pregnancy, addictions, but the most devastating is spending habits. Poor spending habits is a major problem in the United States.

Indicators of poor spending habits are: living from paycheck to paycheck, using credit cards to supplement paychecks.

Hello everybody. Recently I played a good old fashioned game of marbles with a group of little boys and girls. The children were shooting the marbles all over everywhere. They were missing the whole pile of forty six marbles. There were many life lessons that were pointed out during the game. These lessons were repeated over and over throughout the game.

1. The children had to be redirected often. It's easy for young people to get distracted and lose focus.

2. There are rules that have to be followed in order for the game to be fun and fair.  At some point someone attempted to break the rules, or attempted to change the rules in the middle of the game. It's interesting to watch the other children defend the rules, and make each other accountable to keeping the rules.

3. Pick a goal and go after your goal. When this was taught the children became much more successful at knocking the marbles outside of the circle. They caught the vision quickly, and everybody's game improved.

4. Several games were played so the children learned that everybody wins, and that everybody loses.


5. Most importantly, the children learn to have fun and enjoy themselves.

Have you been trying to teach a life lesson to your children. There is nothing like a good game to illustrate life's lessons. Playing games is an excellent way to build a good relationship and teach life lessons with your children.

What games are you playing with your children?

Happy post Valentine's day!!!!

I'm just wondering can we be too tough on our teens? I know that many of you are saying "NOOOO" but really.

 I am seeing more and more disturbing parenting interactions between teens and parents. I was recentlyforwarded a video in which the father was angry because a teen was expressing herself on the Internet and saying that she had too many chores to do. She was blaming her parents. In response to her rant the father took a gun and shot the computer. (www.litefm.com) I consider this to be overkill.

Dad was appalled that his daughter was so ungrateful. If Dad would have taken time to talk to other parents he would know that this is very normal behavior. Not necessarily good behavior, but to some extent normal. Teenagers are selfish, and self-focused. Every parent in America is attempting to get their teens to happily and joyfully do their chores, homework, heck to take a bath.

It bothers me that he used a gun to attempt to teach her a lesson. Will she with her shortsightedness attempt to use the gun to teach him a lesson? How far will this madness go? Read on another teen chose to get her way using a gun.

If that was overkill, consider this scenario.

A father didn't approve of his eighteen year old daughter's boyfriend. The daughter plotted with her boyfriend against the dad. Did they elope? Did they get an apartment together? NO!! The daughter told her boyfriend when her father would leave the house. Her boyfriend waited for her father to leave the house and then he shot and killed the father.

What was their goal? Did they think they would spend more time with each other? I don't think so.

Both cases is concerning, because families are more and more turning to violent means to communicate their frustrations. I know these are extreme cases, but how far are we to go with making our teens better people.

Just a few ideas to avoid escalating communication:
1.  Stay calm.
2. Keep your voice lowered
3. Stay focused on the basic issue.
4. If you are getting too angry, walk away.
5. Use humor whenever possible.

What do you think?

Hey everybody, I hope you are enjoying your post Valentine euphoria. I recognize that not all parents enjoyed their holiday as a parent, but let's hope that your frustration don't get this far out of control.

I recently saw a video about a father who was upset with his daughter

Hello everybody, I was out and about recently and I saw a young mother, with a new baby. The baby is three weeks old. She was a real cutie. An older woman was admiring the baby, and of course, I had to love on the baby too. :)

I commented to the young mother to  enjoy her baby because the baby will grow up very fast. It;s true parents. While it seems that your child will never grow up, time will go all too fast. My suggestion is please RELAX!! and  ENJOY111  The time will fly by and then you won't have a baby, a teenager will take it's place.

Take every opportunity you have to love on your children, the right way. Too often we think loving on our children is giving them everything they want, protecting them from every pain, and overlooking blaring mistakes. That's what we call a recipe for disaster.

 If you want to really love your children make them work for many of the things they want. If the child isn't responsible enough to take care of the inexpensive things you give him, he will not be responsible for the expensive things you give him.

A little pain is good. The sooner children learn that their behavior may bring unhappiness into their lives, the sooner they will become more responsible, and cooperative. That's why we correct them and attempt to teach them as small children. Small children have mostly small hurts, big children have big hurts. It's easier to suffer with them as they go through the small hurts than it is to suffer with them through the big hurts. Believe me, you will suffer as your children hurt, rather it's big or small. So let them suffer a little as they go through life.

The same philosophy holds true for mistakes. Recently, I sat in my car on a parking lot. A car pulled up next to me. A small child (about six) got out of the car and stared into my window.  He hit my car. He walked past my front window peered into the back seat of my car, and then began to knock on my back window.  His mother stood very close by, but ignored the misbehavior.

Who's going to correct this child?  Misbehavior doesn't go away, most often it becomes worse. Overlooking mistakes, blaming others, and allowing your children to give excuses instead of making them accountable only makes them more susceptible to those big hurts mentioned earlier.

So go ahead love on your children, but love them the right way! Share with me the ways that you are loving on your children.

Hello everybody, I hope you are happy and doing well. Recentlly, I noticed that teens (and many adults) refuse to accept responsibility for their mistakes.

Teens are blaming anybody and everybody. If they make poor grades in school, they blame the teacher. The teacher didn't tell them about homework assignments, or they turned in their homework assignments and the teacher lost (all) of their assignments. If the teen can't find their belongings someone else lost their belongings.

It's an endless stream of excuses and reasons, but it's never their fault. It happens so often that we overlook this terrible character flaw, and we really don't expect teenagers to accept responsibility, for their mistakes.

Let's expect more from teens. We can do our part and encourage teens to be more responsible for their mistakes. We can avoid saving them from the natural consequences of irresponsible behavior, and lets stop accepting excuses and reasons for misbehavior and poor performances.

What do you think?

I may be imagining, but have tantrums become longer and more severe? I listened to a three year old cry for at least fifteen minutes. The cry escalated to loud screams, and then to kicking and beating on the wall. Here it is in the raw, "I want my way. I will not give up without a fight." A line was drawn. The child stepped over the line and boldly dared you to follow up. 

What's a parent to do? You'd better win.

This is a classic out and out power struggle.Tthis type of tantrum is easier to deal with than a passive defiant tantrum, (we'll discuss that one later). At any rate it is easier to extinguish temper tantrums at the age of three, than to wait until the child is thirteen. It is almost hopeless to extinguish them when the child is twenty three. At three years old it's as simple as withholding cookies, but at twenty three their freedom may have to be withheld. Are you getting a vision of how important it is to teach at an early age that they have to control their angry outbursts. And yes, horrors of horrors, they have to learn that they don't get everything they want.

I have found these guidelines to be helpful.
Preention:
1. Make sure the child isn't hungry. Feed them food that will last, low carbs is best.
2. Be aware of nap time. Try to keep their routine stable.
3. Prepare them if they are going to be doing something new, and put a positive spin on it.
4. For small children, make visits in which they have to sit still short.

Once a tantrum has started you have to follow through.
Do not:
1. Give the child what they are crying for. NEVER!!! This teaches the children that it's acceptable to cry and bully others to get what they want.
2. Do not make threats without following through.
3. Do nothing.

I have found these suggestions to be helpful.
1. Seperate the child from an audience. Take him to his room or wherever.
2. Stay calm. Speak softly so that they have to at least slow down to hear you.
3. Let them know that they will be able to return with evrybody else when they are finished crying. They will come out of the room, and you will have to take them back in, (this could last for quite awhile).
4. Do not give them what they were crying for.
5. Do not pet them up and hug on them after they come out of their room. (They may  throw future tantrums so that they could get this lovey dovey interaction.
6. After they stop crying, you tell them to come out, do this immediately so that they will learn that you will follow through.
7. Be consistent. The child will learn if I have a tantrum, I will suffer.
8. Give plenty of hugs and kisses for good behavior.
9. Compliment them honestly often.

Tantrums is a child's way of saying that they want to write the rules and then make you follow them. A line has been drawn. What are you going to do?

Feel free to share any ideas and suggestions you may have.

      Hello everybody, not that I want to dwell on the dark side of life, however all parents need to be aware. It appear that our jobs are getting more and more complicated. I recently talked to two teen boys about their relationships with their girlfriends, when one of the teen boys told me that he and his girlfriend has violence in their dating relationship.
     I looked at him incredibly. He stated it as if he was stating that the weather was good. I could hardly believe my ears. The other boy piped in, "yea me too.  The girls don't mind." I asked him if they were hitting girls, they both replied "no," however I have a creepy feeling that there is some physical violence in the relationships. They both stated that they are just verbally abusive.
     I know that this isn't just boys being abusive to girls, I know that there are girls out there who are physically and verbally abusive to teen boys. Now what? Do we have to go on dates with teens (just joking)?  : )
     But seriously, this domestic violence in teen relationships is scary. Teens have been killed in these relationships.
     Those teenage boys didn't think anything bad about hurting girls verbally. They thought it  was funny and giggled about their behavior. They justified the nonsense by stating the girls aren't hurt because they are equally abusive.
    Parents talk, talk, talk, to your teens. Both, boys and girls, need to be educated about the warning signs of domestic.


These are some other suggestions that might be helpful:
1. Teach teens that jealousy and controlling behavior isn't love.
2. Teach teens to communicate assertively and nonaggressively.
3. Be observant and available.
4. Encourage open communication about friends in general and boyfriends and girlfriends especially.
5. Pray a lot for your teens.


     If you have any more suggestions or ideas please share. This is very important.


    

Hey everybody, welcome to our first blog for younger children. I hope we inspire you into action, encourage you into better living and help you build better relationships with your children.
“Each tree had 56 oranges. If 8 slaves pick them equally, then how much would each slave pick?” and “If Frederick got two beatings per day, how many beatings did he get in 1 week?”
 
    That's right, some teacher felt it was okay to pass this out to children. I tell you the job of a parent is relentless. Now parents have to go to work manage their jobs there and make sure some unenlightened person isn't filling their child's head up with nonsense! Ignorance is dangerous! I'm sure this teacher didn't intend any harm (I hope). Yet here it is in black and white in 2012.

    Fortunately, the parents were quick to act and got the worksheets pulled from the classroom, but that's one worksheet that they caught. Who knows what else was done in the classroom that wasn't seen by parents?  We can't be everywhere at all times. It is too much to work and worry all day about what some unenlightened person may say to our children. We must admit, we have no control. This incident is why it's so important for parents, to listen, listen, listen and talk, talk, talk to your children. 
    Since we have no control over other people's mouths it's important to teach our children to think for themselves and make decisions for themselves. We can't start this process soon enough.

Here are some helpful hints:
     1)  Encourage independent thinking, by asking them what they think.
     2). Never ridicule their opinions.
     3). If you don't know the answer say "I don't know."
     4). Do research with them to find answers.
     5). Discuss current events, and encourage them to make inferences from informaton given.

What are you doing to encourage independent thinking?

Hello everybody, First I am happy to report that this blog will cover not only teens but small children as well. We will post teen issues on Saturday nights, and we will post blogs for children on Wednesdays. Those are our high and lofty goals.
****

Now back to the pressing issue. Teen dating. I am surprised at how involved parents are in their children's llives. I was talking to some young people and found out that parents of twelve year olds are taking them on dates. Parents are dropping their tweens off at the movies so that they can meet little boyfriends and girlfriends. SMH

Why are parents doing this? These moments (between twelve and fourteen year olds) are parents last few moments of peace of mind. Soon parents will have to worry about mature teens dating and breaking up and all the problems that comes with teen dating. Why would anyone rush children into this complicated and scary stage of life.

I don't believe young people this age are mature enough to handle the pressures, strong feelings or the rejection that comes with this type of relationship.

What happened to children having crushes, sending little love notes across the room, and smiling shyly. I assume all of that is dead. Today it's rush, rush, rush, to the next stage of life. Let's let children be little children. They grow up all by themselves fast enough. What do you think?

Incidentally, would you take your older teens on dates?

I can't believe that I read some folks are advocating that it's healthy for teenagers to have sex regularly. Obviously these "know it alls " aren't responsible for taking care of  teens 24/7.

Anybody who lives with or used to live with teenagers, know that teens can't remember to turn off lights, brush their teeth, take baths, complete their chores, and the list goes on and on.  Some teens have to be reminded to attend classes that they go to school to attend everyday.

I can't believe there's someone out there trying to increase the work of a parent.

We're already responsible for their food, drink, housing, clothing, academics, future, past, and every other little facet of their lives. Now we will be held responsible, if they get too much sex, not enough sex, their birth control and any children, and/or diseases that are created from these sexual encounters. When these teens become adults they will blame us for their high blood pressure, blood clots or some other chronic illness they get as a result from the longterm use of birth control medication.

Really? I can't believe there are adults out there, (they have to be self serving) who thinks that it is a good idea to encourage sexual activity among teenagers. I believe that if we add sexual freedom, with the impulsive nature of tenagers, we will have a complete mess on our hands. It's messy enough already.

I am truly old fashioned. I believe in sex after marriage. I recommend to every teen (boys and girls), that they remain a virgin - and enjoy the status - until they are married. Did you know that many (and I mean a lot) teenagers don't even know what a virgin is?

I remember sitting next to someone in a seminar who worked to teach teens about birth control. She offered to come and speak to teens that I know. I politely declined the invitation, and reiterated to her that we recommend abstinence. She quickly rambled off the rate of teen pregnancy stating that it is proven that abstinence doesn't work. I pointed out those statistics proved that birth control doesn't work either.

Let's start a new sexual revolution. We will name it "abstinence." So let's speak up, say the word "virgin/abstinence" to your teens. Encourage them to go beyond avoiding pregnancy. Let's encourage them to be virgins. Remember, we have the power to educate, but we have no control over what is done with the education.

What are you teaching your teens, and how are you teaching them?