I may be imagining, but have tantrums become longer and more severe? I listened to a three year old cry for at least fifteen minutes. The cry escalated to loud screams, and then to kicking and beating on the wall. Here it is in the raw, "I want my way. I will not give up without a fight." A line was drawn. The child stepped over the line and boldly dared you to follow up. 

What's a parent to do? You'd better win.

This is a classic out and out power struggle.Tthis type of tantrum is easier to deal with than a passive defiant tantrum, (we'll discuss that one later). At any rate it is easier to extinguish temper tantrums at the age of three, than to wait until the child is thirteen. It is almost hopeless to extinguish them when the child is twenty three. At three years old it's as simple as withholding cookies, but at twenty three their freedom may have to be withheld. Are you getting a vision of how important it is to teach at an early age that they have to control their angry outbursts. And yes, horrors of horrors, they have to learn that they don't get everything they want.

I have found these guidelines to be helpful.
Preention:
1. Make sure the child isn't hungry. Feed them food that will last, low carbs is best.
2. Be aware of nap time. Try to keep their routine stable.
3. Prepare them if they are going to be doing something new, and put a positive spin on it.
4. For small children, make visits in which they have to sit still short.

Once a tantrum has started you have to follow through.
Do not:
1. Give the child what they are crying for. NEVER!!! This teaches the children that it's acceptable to cry and bully others to get what they want.
2. Do not make threats without following through.
3. Do nothing.

I have found these suggestions to be helpful.
1. Seperate the child from an audience. Take him to his room or wherever.
2. Stay calm. Speak softly so that they have to at least slow down to hear you.
3. Let them know that they will be able to return with evrybody else when they are finished crying. They will come out of the room, and you will have to take them back in, (this could last for quite awhile).
4. Do not give them what they were crying for.
5. Do not pet them up and hug on them after they come out of their room. (They may  throw future tantrums so that they could get this lovey dovey interaction.
6. After they stop crying, you tell them to come out, do this immediately so that they will learn that you will follow through.
7. Be consistent. The child will learn if I have a tantrum, I will suffer.
8. Give plenty of hugs and kisses for good behavior.
9. Compliment them honestly often.

Tantrums is a child's way of saying that they want to write the rules and then make you follow them. A line has been drawn. What are you going to do?

Feel free to share any ideas and suggestions you may have.