Saturday, October 6, 2012
Why Don't Teens Communicate
Hey parents,
Have you been feeling left out, locked out, and pushed out of your teen's life? Do you have an eerie feeling that you have been displaced, but you don't know what have displaced you?
Often it is the teens who set up these barriers in the relationship, but parents can do a pretty good job of alienating teens. As I work with parents and teens, I have noteced that there are some commmunication patterns that shut down communication.
Making comparisons between your teen and other teens, is one way of erecting a barrier. I listend to a parent say to her unmotivated teen, "your older brother is doing well, and he is preparing himself for the future." Then the parent went on to say " but you are lazy and wan't try to do anything." I believe it's hard for a teen to be motivated under this deluge of negativity and pessimim.
A teen complained to me that her mother is constantly talking negatively about her to others. She stated that her mother talks loud enough to be heard around the house, and she doesn't want to talk to her mother about anything. The teen felt that whenever she is ready to discuss issues with her mother, her mother is talking negatively about her to others.
Still another teen stated that he liked a certian adult, because when she got mad about something, she got mad, said what she had to say and left it alone. He reported that other adults, would get mad and stay angry for days. He feels that it is easier to comply with someone who got angry and got over it, rather than comply with someone who got angry and stayed angry.
Still another teen observed that he feels interrogated by his parents. He stated that he can't make a move withour his parents asking twenty questions. He reports that he feels watched most of the time.
Other teens have cited their parents accuse them of things all the time, the parents are constantly angry and complaining, and if they tell the parents something in confidence the parents will use it against them when they get angry.
If you fee llocked out, overlookd, and ignored by your teen. I'm sure they are contributing to the breakdown on communication, but maybe something you are doing is contributing to the breakdown in communication, as well.
Listen to yourself, see if you are engaged in communication that shuts your teen down. Feel free to share communication patterns that is helpful in increaseing communication with your teen
her.
Have you been feeling left out, locked out, and pushed out of your teen's life? Do you have an eerie feeling that you have been displaced, but you don't know what have displaced you?
Often it is the teens who set up these barriers in the relationship, but parents can do a pretty good job of alienating teens. As I work with parents and teens, I have noteced that there are some commmunication patterns that shut down communication.
Making comparisons between your teen and other teens, is one way of erecting a barrier. I listend to a parent say to her unmotivated teen, "your older brother is doing well, and he is preparing himself for the future." Then the parent went on to say " but you are lazy and wan't try to do anything." I believe it's hard for a teen to be motivated under this deluge of negativity and pessimim.
A teen complained to me that her mother is constantly talking negatively about her to others. She stated that her mother talks loud enough to be heard around the house, and she doesn't want to talk to her mother about anything. The teen felt that whenever she is ready to discuss issues with her mother, her mother is talking negatively about her to others.
Still another teen stated that he liked a certian adult, because when she got mad about something, she got mad, said what she had to say and left it alone. He reported that other adults, would get mad and stay angry for days. He feels that it is easier to comply with someone who got angry and got over it, rather than comply with someone who got angry and stayed angry.
Still another teen observed that he feels interrogated by his parents. He stated that he can't make a move withour his parents asking twenty questions. He reports that he feels watched most of the time.
Other teens have cited their parents accuse them of things all the time, the parents are constantly angry and complaining, and if they tell the parents something in confidence the parents will use it against them when they get angry.
If you fee llocked out, overlookd, and ignored by your teen. I'm sure they are contributing to the breakdown on communication, but maybe something you are doing is contributing to the breakdown in communication, as well.
Listen to yourself, see if you are engaged in communication that shuts your teen down. Feel free to share communication patterns that is helpful in increaseing communication with your teen
her.
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