Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Misguided Mercy
Hey everybody,
I have spoken to many parents who have teens with significant behavioral problems. Many of these parents suffer from the same maladies, misguided mercy, giving grace, and forgetful forgiveness.
I believe in mercy, grace, and forgiveness. However, if these concepts are misapplied it is to the teens and our detriment.
Mercy is often misinterpreted as letting teens off from the punishment they deserve. Many parents have a difficult time understanding why they can't take teens off punishment before the time, or break the punishment for special occasions. While we may see it as mercy, the teen experiences it as inconsistent parenting. They will begin to rely on your mercy, and feel there is no need to change their misbehavior.
Grace is often misinterpreted as teens not being held accountable for what they do. Many Godly parents get tripped up on this. They think that if God don't give them the full punishment they deserve, then it is okay for their teens to not be given the punishments they deserve. Parents often interrupt natural consequences that teens deserve, so that the teen will not suffer. Parents often go through great lengths so that teens will avoid consequences.
Forgiveness, is misinterpreted as the pain the teens inflicted on others and misbehavior should just be forgotten. Over and over again, teens are forgiven, and offenses are forgotten. This is perfect for teens. They can simply say they are sorry and continue on doing what they want until they are caught again.
This is a perfect prescription for unruly, disrespectful, and insubordinate teenagers, who are overly entitled, low performers, and surly.
We want to be kind to teens, however blind kindness that overlooks and deny problems, only lead to problems, that are more severe.
I have spoken to many parents who have teens with significant behavioral problems. Many of these parents suffer from the same maladies, misguided mercy, giving grace, and forgetful forgiveness.
I believe in mercy, grace, and forgiveness. However, if these concepts are misapplied it is to the teens and our detriment.
Mercy is often misinterpreted as letting teens off from the punishment they deserve. Many parents have a difficult time understanding why they can't take teens off punishment before the time, or break the punishment for special occasions. While we may see it as mercy, the teen experiences it as inconsistent parenting. They will begin to rely on your mercy, and feel there is no need to change their misbehavior.
Grace is often misinterpreted as teens not being held accountable for what they do. Many Godly parents get tripped up on this. They think that if God don't give them the full punishment they deserve, then it is okay for their teens to not be given the punishments they deserve. Parents often interrupt natural consequences that teens deserve, so that the teen will not suffer. Parents often go through great lengths so that teens will avoid consequences.
Forgiveness, is misinterpreted as the pain the teens inflicted on others and misbehavior should just be forgotten. Over and over again, teens are forgiven, and offenses are forgotten. This is perfect for teens. They can simply say they are sorry and continue on doing what they want until they are caught again.
This is a perfect prescription for unruly, disrespectful, and insubordinate teenagers, who are overly entitled, low performers, and surly.
We want to be kind to teens, however blind kindness that overlooks and deny problems, only lead to problems, that are more severe.
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