Happy post Valentine's day!!!!

I'm just wondering can we be too tough on our teens? I know that many of you are saying "NOOOO" but really.

 I am seeing more and more disturbing parenting interactions between teens and parents. I was recentlyforwarded a video in which the father was angry because a teen was expressing herself on the Internet and saying that she had too many chores to do. She was blaming her parents. In response to her rant the father took a gun and shot the computer. (www.litefm.com) I consider this to be overkill.

Dad was appalled that his daughter was so ungrateful. If Dad would have taken time to talk to other parents he would know that this is very normal behavior. Not necessarily good behavior, but to some extent normal. Teenagers are selfish, and self-focused. Every parent in America is attempting to get their teens to happily and joyfully do their chores, homework, heck to take a bath.

It bothers me that he used a gun to attempt to teach her a lesson. Will she with her shortsightedness attempt to use the gun to teach him a lesson? How far will this madness go? Read on another teen chose to get her way using a gun.

If that was overkill, consider this scenario.

A father didn't approve of his eighteen year old daughter's boyfriend. The daughter plotted with her boyfriend against the dad. Did they elope? Did they get an apartment together? NO!! The daughter told her boyfriend when her father would leave the house. Her boyfriend waited for her father to leave the house and then he shot and killed the father.

What was their goal? Did they think they would spend more time with each other? I don't think so.

Both cases is concerning, because families are more and more turning to violent means to communicate their frustrations. I know these are extreme cases, but how far are we to go with making our teens better people.

Just a few ideas to avoid escalating communication:
1.  Stay calm.
2. Keep your voice lowered
3. Stay focused on the basic issue.
4. If you are getting too angry, walk away.
5. Use humor whenever possible.

What do you think?

Hey everybody, I hope you are enjoying your post Valentine euphoria. I recognize that not all parents enjoyed their holiday as a parent, but let's hope that your frustration don't get this far out of control.

I recently saw a video about a father who was upset with his daughter

Hello everybody, I was out and about recently and I saw a young mother, with a new baby. The baby is three weeks old. She was a real cutie. An older woman was admiring the baby, and of course, I had to love on the baby too. :)

I commented to the young mother to  enjoy her baby because the baby will grow up very fast. It;s true parents. While it seems that your child will never grow up, time will go all too fast. My suggestion is please RELAX!! and  ENJOY111  The time will fly by and then you won't have a baby, a teenager will take it's place.

Take every opportunity you have to love on your children, the right way. Too often we think loving on our children is giving them everything they want, protecting them from every pain, and overlooking blaring mistakes. That's what we call a recipe for disaster.

 If you want to really love your children make them work for many of the things they want. If the child isn't responsible enough to take care of the inexpensive things you give him, he will not be responsible for the expensive things you give him.

A little pain is good. The sooner children learn that their behavior may bring unhappiness into their lives, the sooner they will become more responsible, and cooperative. That's why we correct them and attempt to teach them as small children. Small children have mostly small hurts, big children have big hurts. It's easier to suffer with them as they go through the small hurts than it is to suffer with them through the big hurts. Believe me, you will suffer as your children hurt, rather it's big or small. So let them suffer a little as they go through life.

The same philosophy holds true for mistakes. Recently, I sat in my car on a parking lot. A car pulled up next to me. A small child (about six) got out of the car and stared into my window.  He hit my car. He walked past my front window peered into the back seat of my car, and then began to knock on my back window.  His mother stood very close by, but ignored the misbehavior.

Who's going to correct this child?  Misbehavior doesn't go away, most often it becomes worse. Overlooking mistakes, blaming others, and allowing your children to give excuses instead of making them accountable only makes them more susceptible to those big hurts mentioned earlier.

So go ahead love on your children, but love them the right way! Share with me the ways that you are loving on your children.

Hello everybody, I hope you are happy and doing well. Recentlly, I noticed that teens (and many adults) refuse to accept responsibility for their mistakes.

Teens are blaming anybody and everybody. If they make poor grades in school, they blame the teacher. The teacher didn't tell them about homework assignments, or they turned in their homework assignments and the teacher lost (all) of their assignments. If the teen can't find their belongings someone else lost their belongings.

It's an endless stream of excuses and reasons, but it's never their fault. It happens so often that we overlook this terrible character flaw, and we really don't expect teenagers to accept responsibility, for their mistakes.

Let's expect more from teens. We can do our part and encourage teens to be more responsible for their mistakes. We can avoid saving them from the natural consequences of irresponsible behavior, and lets stop accepting excuses and reasons for misbehavior and poor performances.

What do you think?

I may be imagining, but have tantrums become longer and more severe? I listened to a three year old cry for at least fifteen minutes. The cry escalated to loud screams, and then to kicking and beating on the wall. Here it is in the raw, "I want my way. I will not give up without a fight." A line was drawn. The child stepped over the line and boldly dared you to follow up. 

What's a parent to do? You'd better win.

This is a classic out and out power struggle.Tthis type of tantrum is easier to deal with than a passive defiant tantrum, (we'll discuss that one later). At any rate it is easier to extinguish temper tantrums at the age of three, than to wait until the child is thirteen. It is almost hopeless to extinguish them when the child is twenty three. At three years old it's as simple as withholding cookies, but at twenty three their freedom may have to be withheld. Are you getting a vision of how important it is to teach at an early age that they have to control their angry outbursts. And yes, horrors of horrors, they have to learn that they don't get everything they want.

I have found these guidelines to be helpful.
Preention:
1. Make sure the child isn't hungry. Feed them food that will last, low carbs is best.
2. Be aware of nap time. Try to keep their routine stable.
3. Prepare them if they are going to be doing something new, and put a positive spin on it.
4. For small children, make visits in which they have to sit still short.

Once a tantrum has started you have to follow through.
Do not:
1. Give the child what they are crying for. NEVER!!! This teaches the children that it's acceptable to cry and bully others to get what they want.
2. Do not make threats without following through.
3. Do nothing.

I have found these suggestions to be helpful.
1. Seperate the child from an audience. Take him to his room or wherever.
2. Stay calm. Speak softly so that they have to at least slow down to hear you.
3. Let them know that they will be able to return with evrybody else when they are finished crying. They will come out of the room, and you will have to take them back in, (this could last for quite awhile).
4. Do not give them what they were crying for.
5. Do not pet them up and hug on them after they come out of their room. (They may  throw future tantrums so that they could get this lovey dovey interaction.
6. After they stop crying, you tell them to come out, do this immediately so that they will learn that you will follow through.
7. Be consistent. The child will learn if I have a tantrum, I will suffer.
8. Give plenty of hugs and kisses for good behavior.
9. Compliment them honestly often.

Tantrums is a child's way of saying that they want to write the rules and then make you follow them. A line has been drawn. What are you going to do?

Feel free to share any ideas and suggestions you may have.