Saturday, July 28, 2012
Missing In Action
Hey Everybody...
It saddens me as I think about the lost power of parents. Parents have the name and responsibility of being in power over children. However, in this war to protect and train our children we carry guns (the symbol of power) but we shoot blanks. What leverage do we really have in training our children? Parents have been disarmed by competing factors such as; laws, television, and unfortunately psychology.
Laws were created to protect children. However, the laws misused, have caused great problems in families. Sometimes children have been removed from homes and placed in the homes of strangers while lengrhy investigations were being completed. A shroud of suspicion often follows individuals who had been cleared of any wrongdoing, and many parents have had careers ruined as a result of spiteful individuals hotlining them. I know that children have to be kept safe, and yes, there are some parents who are cruel. but parents are almost afrsid to discipline in any way because of the laws.
For years, television have insidiously set the tone for family living in America. Somewhere along the way we were declawed, while our children were given uzzies. In the late eighties, children on television were making a mockery of their parents. They talked back, implied that the parents were dumb, and often openly defied thir parents (and got away with it). On television children ten, eleven, and twelve years old parents are taking them on dates. No not play dates, dates! This trend was instigated and started by television, parents were mortified, but they drove their tweens to the mall for their "date" anyway.
Last, psychology, I am sorry to report, that I spend a lot of my time empowering parents, to fight the good fight. To parent their children. Teaching parents that they have every right to say no, and saying no will not cause children to become serial killers. Encouraging parents to have the courage to exercise judgement and make decisions for their child, and if the child doesn't like the decision he/she will not suffer from PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). Parents have to be encouraged to set boundaries and stick to it, even if they have to raise their voice to keep the boundaries straight. Parents have to pretend that they aren't angry, have no feelings except good ones, and in general be everything to sometimes little tyrants.
We are so "sensitive" to the emotional needs of our children, that we are put in the role of psychologists. We are afraid to tell the truth to our children lest we hurt their feelings. We are afarid to let a firm word come from our mouths because it may cause our children to fall apart. Meanwhile, children are becoming more insubordinate, lawless, and narcissistic daily.
Parents are on the battleground, but we have been disarmed and marching in place. Laws, television, nor psychology can take the place of parents but everyday a little bit of parental power is lost on the battlefiedd.
What about you, do you feel disarmed?
It saddens me as I think about the lost power of parents. Parents have the name and responsibility of being in power over children. However, in this war to protect and train our children we carry guns (the symbol of power) but we shoot blanks. What leverage do we really have in training our children? Parents have been disarmed by competing factors such as; laws, television, and unfortunately psychology.
Laws were created to protect children. However, the laws misused, have caused great problems in families. Sometimes children have been removed from homes and placed in the homes of strangers while lengrhy investigations were being completed. A shroud of suspicion often follows individuals who had been cleared of any wrongdoing, and many parents have had careers ruined as a result of spiteful individuals hotlining them. I know that children have to be kept safe, and yes, there are some parents who are cruel. but parents are almost afrsid to discipline in any way because of the laws.
For years, television have insidiously set the tone for family living in America. Somewhere along the way we were declawed, while our children were given uzzies. In the late eighties, children on television were making a mockery of their parents. They talked back, implied that the parents were dumb, and often openly defied thir parents (and got away with it). On television children ten, eleven, and twelve years old parents are taking them on dates. No not play dates, dates! This trend was instigated and started by television, parents were mortified, but they drove their tweens to the mall for their "date" anyway.
Last, psychology, I am sorry to report, that I spend a lot of my time empowering parents, to fight the good fight. To parent their children. Teaching parents that they have every right to say no, and saying no will not cause children to become serial killers. Encouraging parents to have the courage to exercise judgement and make decisions for their child, and if the child doesn't like the decision he/she will not suffer from PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). Parents have to be encouraged to set boundaries and stick to it, even if they have to raise their voice to keep the boundaries straight. Parents have to pretend that they aren't angry, have no feelings except good ones, and in general be everything to sometimes little tyrants.
We are so "sensitive" to the emotional needs of our children, that we are put in the role of psychologists. We are afraid to tell the truth to our children lest we hurt their feelings. We are afarid to let a firm word come from our mouths because it may cause our children to fall apart. Meanwhile, children are becoming more insubordinate, lawless, and narcissistic daily.
Parents are on the battleground, but we have been disarmed and marching in place. Laws, television, nor psychology can take the place of parents but everyday a little bit of parental power is lost on the battlefiedd.
What about you, do you feel disarmed?
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Schools/Prison Cells
When our children are in the middle of disaster, whether it is failed grade, drug usage, friendship problems and even criminal activity, it is easy to jum[ in and save our teens from the consequences of their errant ways. It is tempting to take control of the situation, and therefore take control of the outcome. Neither of these will be helpful to our teens.
It is hard to watch the difficult times our teens go through. We kick into protective mode. it's instinctive almost. We want to save them from the unfair failing grades, the mistaken ACT or SAT score. We want to curse the judge who gave our angelic delinquent three hundred hours in community service. But will it help?
There is a movement in the United States, the "no punishment, soft consequence movement." This movement encourages parents to step in, and save the children from any resemblance of a consequence. This movement will not step in and help your child when they drop out of school, it will not step in and help with the drug addiction that your child may pick up along the way. The movement will not visit your child in prison, or do any community service for your teen.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you supporting the teacher when the teacher gives the teen the deserved grade. Let the teen come up with what he will do to increase his school grades. Let him do it. Let him face those ACT test score. Again, this is his problem, let the teen solve this problem. In fact encourage the teen to pay for the second test. I can't say it enough. It's important to allow teens to suffer natural consequences, and yes, even give consequences, and punishments. This mamby pamby parenting style is causing the ruin of many children.
Do you think this whimpy parenting style contributes to our closing down, and tearing down schools, while we build and pump great finances into prison systems? Maybe just maybe,if we discipline and train our children when they are young, we may not need so many prison ceels when they get older.
What do you think? Feel free to share your comment.
It is hard to watch the difficult times our teens go through. We kick into protective mode. it's instinctive almost. We want to save them from the unfair failing grades, the mistaken ACT or SAT score. We want to curse the judge who gave our angelic delinquent three hundred hours in community service. But will it help?
There is a movement in the United States, the "no punishment, soft consequence movement." This movement encourages parents to step in, and save the children from any resemblance of a consequence. This movement will not step in and help your child when they drop out of school, it will not step in and help with the drug addiction that your child may pick up along the way. The movement will not visit your child in prison, or do any community service for your teen.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you supporting the teacher when the teacher gives the teen the deserved grade. Let the teen come up with what he will do to increase his school grades. Let him do it. Let him face those ACT test score. Again, this is his problem, let the teen solve this problem. In fact encourage the teen to pay for the second test. I can't say it enough. It's important to allow teens to suffer natural consequences, and yes, even give consequences, and punishments. This mamby pamby parenting style is causing the ruin of many children.
Do you think this whimpy parenting style contributes to our closing down, and tearing down schools, while we build and pump great finances into prison systems? Maybe just maybe,if we discipline and train our children when they are young, we may not need so many prison ceels when they get older.
What do you think? Feel free to share your comment.
The Teens are Watching
Indeed parenting is a twenty four hour, can't get a break, job. Our teens are watching Our every move. Not only that, they are passing judgmemnt on everythng that we do. What we say, as far as possible, should match what we do.
We are not perfect, we will not be perfect, but we so often set ourselves up as if we are perfect. In our teen's eyes this makes us big hypocrites.
We want to set a good example, but we are merely sinful mortals. How can we, who are imperfect, present perfection to our children? We can't. Since we can't, we may as well quit trying to present perfection, and present the best us possible.
If we set ourselves up as prefect, we set ourselves up for failurre. Here are a few ways that we can be balanced adults. That is, we make mistakes, but our children remain committed to becoming the best they can become.
1. Admit up front that we are not perfect. The power of the truth is astonishing. If we admit that we are struggling with some bad habit, it will give our teens the courage to look at themselves realistically.
2. Take visible steps to do better. This shows growth. Teens ought to know that it's not okay to admit to faults, and wallow in them freely.
3. Be realistic with our expectations. If our expectations for ourselves is unrealistic, more than likely the expectations we have for our teens will be unrealistic.
4. Forgive ourselves. We must learn to forgive ourselves. We must learn to forgive our teens.
5.Laugh, laugh, laugh. Everything isn't serious. We get one life, we must enjooy this life. It seems to me, that life is a string of mistakes, with every now and then we get it right. How we handle our mistakes, teaches our teens how to handle them. A little humor goes a long way.
These are only a few ways we can present a balanced approach to imperfection. We can't ignore our imperfections and hope our teens don't see them. They see the imperfections. They can even see ones we don't know about. Let's enjoy our teens. Let's enjoy our life.
We are not perfect, we will not be perfect, but we so often set ourselves up as if we are perfect. In our teen's eyes this makes us big hypocrites.
We want to set a good example, but we are merely sinful mortals. How can we, who are imperfect, present perfection to our children? We can't. Since we can't, we may as well quit trying to present perfection, and present the best us possible.
If we set ourselves up as prefect, we set ourselves up for failurre. Here are a few ways that we can be balanced adults. That is, we make mistakes, but our children remain committed to becoming the best they can become.
1. Admit up front that we are not perfect. The power of the truth is astonishing. If we admit that we are struggling with some bad habit, it will give our teens the courage to look at themselves realistically.
2. Take visible steps to do better. This shows growth. Teens ought to know that it's not okay to admit to faults, and wallow in them freely.
3. Be realistic with our expectations. If our expectations for ourselves is unrealistic, more than likely the expectations we have for our teens will be unrealistic.
4. Forgive ourselves. We must learn to forgive ourselves. We must learn to forgive our teens.
5.Laugh, laugh, laugh. Everything isn't serious. We get one life, we must enjooy this life. It seems to me, that life is a string of mistakes, with every now and then we get it right. How we handle our mistakes, teaches our teens how to handle them. A little humor goes a long way.
These are only a few ways we can present a balanced approach to imperfection. We can't ignore our imperfections and hope our teens don't see them. They see the imperfections. They can even see ones we don't know about. Let's enjoy our teens. Let's enjoy our life.
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