Whatever happened to saying “I told you”?

Once upon a time, a long, long, time ago (back in the sixties and seventies) parents
would say to teens, (and even to their smaller children) “I told you that was going to happen.”
Then the parent would follow it up with some long lecture about how the teen didn’t listen,
how they just made things worse etc… The parent would then enumerate every bad thing that
could probably take place as a result of the teen’s poor decision.

The parent would then quote sayings that the teen had heard a hundred times. Sayings
such as, “a hard head will make a soft behind.” Or maybe they would say, “next time you will
listen.” The final quote would be something like “you got yourself into this mess; you are going
to have to get yourself out of it.” Or it will end with ”you made your bed hard, now lie in it.”

That’s a far cry from what is happening today. We warn, warn, and warn our teens. They
do the exact opposite of what they are told. When they get what they are supposed to get, the
new millennium parent will do everything possible to help the wayward teen avoid feeling the
pain and reaping the consequences of their misbehavior.

What would have been a deep gashing blow that would have taught these overly
empowered teens to humble themselves becomes only a scratch that barely breaks the skin
that covers their unwarranted pride. Mommy and daddy run to the rescue to save the
disobedient teen.

The pattern is set. The teens make mistakes, and we save them from the mistakes. The
teens become more and more dependent and we become more and more frustrated. We
wonder when the teens will start thinking. They won’t and don’t start thinking because they
don’t have to think. We think for them.

What I’m proposing is not a popular thing to do, but it is prudent. Somebody
somewhere, will have to let teens reap consequences of their choices. These trials come to
make them stronger and smarter. Disconnecting them from the pain may make us feel better
but, it is not good for them. They aren’t getting stronger, nor smarter. Neither are we.

Be strong parents. Be slow to step in. Let’s let the “angelic cherub” suffer a little bit this
month. Let’s ask the question, “how are you going to fix your mess?” let’s say, “I told you so, “
and “you made your bed hard, and now you have to lie in it.” We may be surprised by them.
They may actually make a good decision. It’s not wise, but we can always step in and save them
if they don’t.