Tuesday, September 27, 2011
I Told You So…
Whatever happened to saying “I told you”?
Once upon a time, a long, long, time ago (back in the sixties and seventies) parents
would say to teens, (and even to their smaller children) “I told you that was going to happen.”
Then the parent would follow it up with some long lecture about how the teen didn’t listen,
how they just made things worse etc… The parent would then enumerate every bad thing that
could probably take place as a result of the teen’s poor decision.
The parent would then quote sayings that the teen had heard a hundred times. Sayings
such as, “a hard head will make a soft behind.” Or maybe they would say, “next time you will
listen.” The final quote would be something like “you got yourself into this mess; you are going
to have to get yourself out of it.” Or it will end with ”you made your bed hard, now lie in it.”
That’s a far cry from what is happening today. We warn, warn, and warn our teens. They
do the exact opposite of what they are told. When they get what they are supposed to get, the
new millennium parent will do everything possible to help the wayward teen avoid feeling the
pain and reaping the consequences of their misbehavior.
What would have been a deep gashing blow that would have taught these overly
empowered teens to humble themselves becomes only a scratch that barely breaks the skin
that covers their unwarranted pride. Mommy and daddy run to the rescue to save the
disobedient teen.
The pattern is set. The teens make mistakes, and we save them from the mistakes. The
teens become more and more dependent and we become more and more frustrated. We
wonder when the teens will start thinking. They won’t and don’t start thinking because they
don’t have to think. We think for them.
What I’m proposing is not a popular thing to do, but it is prudent. Somebody
somewhere, will have to let teens reap consequences of their choices. These trials come to
make them stronger and smarter. Disconnecting them from the pain may make us feel better
but, it is not good for them. They aren’t getting stronger, nor smarter. Neither are we.
Be strong parents. Be slow to step in. Let’s let the “angelic cherub” suffer a little bit this
month. Let’s ask the question, “how are you going to fix your mess?” let’s say, “I told you so, “
and “you made your bed hard, and now you have to lie in it.” We may be surprised by them.
They may actually make a good decision. It’s not wise, but we can always step in and save them
if they don’t.
Once upon a time, a long, long, time ago (back in the sixties and seventies) parents
would say to teens, (and even to their smaller children) “I told you that was going to happen.”
Then the parent would follow it up with some long lecture about how the teen didn’t listen,
how they just made things worse etc… The parent would then enumerate every bad thing that
could probably take place as a result of the teen’s poor decision.
The parent would then quote sayings that the teen had heard a hundred times. Sayings
such as, “a hard head will make a soft behind.” Or maybe they would say, “next time you will
listen.” The final quote would be something like “you got yourself into this mess; you are going
to have to get yourself out of it.” Or it will end with ”you made your bed hard, now lie in it.”
That’s a far cry from what is happening today. We warn, warn, and warn our teens. They
do the exact opposite of what they are told. When they get what they are supposed to get, the
new millennium parent will do everything possible to help the wayward teen avoid feeling the
pain and reaping the consequences of their misbehavior.
What would have been a deep gashing blow that would have taught these overly
empowered teens to humble themselves becomes only a scratch that barely breaks the skin
that covers their unwarranted pride. Mommy and daddy run to the rescue to save the
disobedient teen.
The pattern is set. The teens make mistakes, and we save them from the mistakes. The
teens become more and more dependent and we become more and more frustrated. We
wonder when the teens will start thinking. They won’t and don’t start thinking because they
don’t have to think. We think for them.
What I’m proposing is not a popular thing to do, but it is prudent. Somebody
somewhere, will have to let teens reap consequences of their choices. These trials come to
make them stronger and smarter. Disconnecting them from the pain may make us feel better
but, it is not good for them. They aren’t getting stronger, nor smarter. Neither are we.
Be strong parents. Be slow to step in. Let’s let the “angelic cherub” suffer a little bit this
month. Let’s ask the question, “how are you going to fix your mess?” let’s say, “I told you so, “
and “you made your bed hard, and now you have to lie in it.” We may be surprised by them.
They may actually make a good decision. It’s not wise, but we can always step in and save them
if they don’t.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
High School Roller Coaster
It is the new school year already. Many of us are stepping back onto the high school roller coaster. We salute you, newbie (parents of high school freshman) and we welcome you to the ride. Newbie, we have tread where you will trod. You will want to stay with your teen on the first day of their first job. You will want to go on their first second and third date, (this feeling may take even longer to overcome). You will swear that every other child is a bad influence on your teen, and you would never imagine that your child is the bad influence. Indeed we have walked the same path.
It’s hard to believe the metamorphosis that will take place in the next four years. In just a few short years, your child will turn from a dependent teen to a young adult. They will make major life decisions, such as, which career to choose, whom to date, which English class to take, what shoes to wear daily, and hopefully, most importantly they will decide to trust God. Out of necessity we will decide to trust that God will take care of them.
We know that some decisions (which pencil to use) will just be routine and no damage will be done. But other decisions aren’t so simple. Although our teens can’t see or understand how deciding to cut one class could possibly lead them to the soup line, we can. And that’s exactly what we imagine will happen. Any negative reports and any bad grades are viewed as the first step down into the deep abyss of the land of high school dropout.
You will stand in amazement as your teen talk rationally about irrational things. You will wonder many times where you went wrong, and quiet as it’s kept, bite your tongue to avoid many, many, arguments. But you will praise God loudly, when your teen stand up for God, make a good decision, and wash the dishes voluntarily.
Newbies, and those who are returning for the school year roller coaster ride, remember that God will continue to be with you. We know that teens are faced with all kinds of decisions. We know they will make good decisions, and we will cringe when they make poor decisions. Remember of all of their decisions the most important decision to be made is the decision to trust God. However for us trusting God is not a choice, but rather a requirement.
Everyday a Celebration
Whether kicking up my heels,
or knocked off my feet,
ahead with my bills,
or down and beat.
I won’t give in,
give up and sigh.
I’ll see good in men,
march forward and try.
With tears in my eyes,
or joy in my heart,
an unwelcomed surprise,
or a happy new start.
I’ll sing, I’ll shout,
Praise God all about,
I’ll skip, I’ll prance,
do for God a holy dance.
Unlike others who give up and sigh,
I’ll never, no never just lie down and die.
I know a secret, a sweet revelation,
that every day of living is a joyful revelation.
Laketia W. Carrell
Sometimes you need encouragement, so that you can be reminded that everything is going to
be okay. Regardless of the teen problems that you are facing, take time to refuel on encouraging
messages. It doesn’t mean that the problem will dissipate, but you can at least approach the problem
from a position of positivity. Take time and celebrate. Today is a great day to be alive.
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